Asking For Help

I think it starts when we are three or so, and we stubbornly say "I do it mysewf." We want to believe that we can take care of ourselves, our families, our finances without help from others. That's a very good practice when life is puttering along in an uneventful manner. It's admirable to be independent and self sufficient. However, it becomes a handicap when your ship is sinking and your lifeboat has a gaping hole in it and the bright orange flotation device you have strapped on springs a leak. There comes a time when it is okay to ask for help, to accept help that is offered. 

When people ask what they can do my tendency is to say "Oh, I don't know, there's really nothing. Just knowing you are here for me is huge." Meanwhile, we are eating crappy food because I don't have the time or energy for anything else. And the cobwebs and dog hair are taking over. And if the health department inspected our bathrooms we would probably be cited for some violation of standard cleanliness practices.

I have had to overcome my reluctance to accept help. It has required me to humble myself and admit that I cannot do it all. Imagine that - I cannot take care of my eighty-one year old handicapped father, my daughter going through chemotherapy treatments, her children, all of our animals, the house, the meals, the shopping, the cleaning - and undergo cancer treatment myself. My husband thinks that he is Superman and that he can take care of us all and I admire his determination, but I do not want him to burn out from the stress either.

A friend recently suggested that maybe if I ask for help I am admitting that it's all really happening. I suspect that there is some truth to that. Denial can be a wonderful defense mechanism, but it's not working very well for me at the moment. Reality just keeps hammering away at me.

It all comes down to control, and I have real control issues. Just ask anyone in my family. When I allow others to help I have to let go of control. Well, I am letting go. I am over thinking that I need to clean the house before someone comes to clean for me. I will not obsess over whether the meals we are given are made with the finest local, organic, non-gmo ingredients. I will trust that someone else can actually deliver a child to school as safely as I can.

I am reminded of a joke I heard long ago. A woman's house has flooded and she has moved to the second floor. Someone comes by in a rowboat and shouts into the window, "come on, I'll row you to safety." "No, says the woman, God will save me." The water comes higher and the woman moves to the roof. A helicopter comes and a rope ladder is thrown down. "Climb up!" says a voice from above. "No" she says, "God will save me." When the woman drowns and faces her maker she says "I believed that you would save me!" God says, "I sent a rowboat and a helicopter, what more did you want?"

My eyes and heart are open. I am on the lookout for rowboats and helicopters.