Don't Blame Me

Facebook is full of internet wisdom about how to prevent Alzheimer's, cancer, heart attack, psoriasis, and more. I was recently tagged in a post relaying information regarding how to avoid getting cancer, attributed to a major research hospital. The fact that the information was totally bogus, denied by said hospital, was not the part that really bothered me. It was the subtle notion that I caused this cancer by my bad behavior. And why tell me how to avoid cancer when I already have it? It is not comforting to me to think about all of the ways that I should have, could have, would have if only I had known. This article listed all of the things that cancer supposedly feeds on, like sugar and caffeine. The cancer that I have feeds on estrogen, so I guess I did cause it by being foolish enough to be born a girl.

I've been guilty of this; someone is ill and I immediately think, "well, they brought this on themselves." You know, by not eating right, avoiding regular medical procedures, smoking, not exercising, drinking, drugging, whatever. I smugly tell myself that they sort of deserve it. Why do I do this? I suspect because I want to feel like I am protected somehow, that I can dodge that bullet. I want to believe that somehow I will grow old with very little problem and just fade away into the sunset. My aching knees and dwindling energy have done little to burst this little bubble of wishful thinking.

Well, as time goes on I am coming to accept that I am as terminal as everyone else. Something is going to take me out. We all hope to die in our sleep of very old age, but far too often this is not the case. Old age can be painful and messy and depressing, then we die. While some of us live as though we have a death wish and are trying to hurry the process, most of us do the very best we can to live a long and healthy life. In the future I will try to refrain from assigning blame to anyone for their ills. I will remember that we are all in the same life raft and we have to hang on and help each other to hang on as well. If you are slipping out of the boat I will throw you a line and hold your hand while you try to climb back in. I will not tell you that you should not have leaned over the side.