It's early Friday morning. I've been awake for a couple of hours, laying in bed thinking. I see the surgeon at 10:00. I feel like I am going for sentencing. Lumpectomy, mastectomy, radiation, chemotherapy. Not any of which I care to consider. I am being sentenced and I try to sort out, what was my crime? I stopped smoking forty years ago. I don't eat meat. I try to eat right (except for the Fritos.) I don't use antiperspirant or dye my hair. I do not let myself get stressed out over every little thing. Of course, I don't exercise enough and I am several (I won't say how many) pounds overweight. I let two years go by without a mammogram.
I have never had surgery or a broken bone. I did have my tonsils out when I was six, but I don't think we can really count that, the doctor didn't cut me open. It was no more than having a tooth pulled. I am coming up on fifty-nine years and do not take any medication for anything. So you can see how I have come to believe that I am invincible. I have watched others around me suffer from various ailments and thought "that can't happen to me because I don't (fill in the blank.) Well, that was just so much bullshit. Now I have joined the rest of the human race, my life is fragile and unpredictable.
And more will be revealed.
We are vulnerable, we are human and our bodies take on more than we'll ever know.
ReplyDeleteI believe you are still invincible but the cross-currents of vulnerability, fear, and shock are overwhelming you. All of who you know yourself to be is still more powerful than this intruder who's set up shop in your body.Keep speaking it, writing it and screaming it any time you feel the need. Dozens who love you are with you today at 10:00.
ReplyDeleteTry to think of it as the "battle plan" and remember you have many comrades beside you. Thoughts and prayers as you move forward.
ReplyDeleteThe battle plan, I like that! You've always been a sort of warrior Deb, Princess Warrior. We are only human, but years of wisdom , and the fact that you have been good to your human body and spiritual being are very powerful! The internal strenth of the warrior.
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